after thoughts

by Beth Davey

Sunday, Mother’s Day and ‘the day after’ graduation ceremonies and end of term, I know I need to hear God’s voice. I’m tired at the end of a school year, maybe a little unmotivated, sad over Alan’s dad’s illness, overwhelmed by friends’ and loved ones’ specific needs—the list of concerns is long. I know I need to be creative and resilient and upbeat, but I’m still tired. Isaiah’s message, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength ….” comes to mind—and I hope.

Then I hear the idea of being “surprised by the Spirit”—stirring the pot, gifting us with an unexpected and renewing energy—and a twinge of longing startles me. I resonate with those first panicking disciples in the Upper Room listening to Jesus’s announcement that he was leaving and initially skeptical to his reassurance, “It is to your advantage I go away.”

I am once again drawn to those entwining circles of the triquetra representing the Trinity—everything Jesus says is directed to and for Abba; the Holy Spirit points to Jesus; Jesus says, “I am in the Father and the Father is in me”—and then the invitation is there for us to be drawn into the circle—to be included in the divine dance. The image of participating in that intimate circle of friendship and love is staggering—beyond my imagination but also a beckoning to move beyond the ennui and angst that occasionally threaten to undo me!  “All the way to heaven is heaven because Jesus is the Way.”   Can that statement be really true in my life? Can I embrace the Spirit’s companionship in some new way?

Some reminders from Sunday’s message give me pause: “There is always some area of our heart which is especially calling for conversion, where there is the beginning of new life …”  What needs to change in my life to make me more receptive to the Spirit’s companionship?

“Take courage! Take courage to keep turning to Jesus and away from playing the world’s game.” It is a courage that requires a measure of faith for the one is much more obvious and superficially tempting. Turning to Jesus is much more quiet and subtle and my restlessness can cause me to miss his voice.

“Kingdom people think about how to get the church into the world …” “Our deepest vocation requires us to engage and show up.” Ambitions and hopes and dreams need altering if these thoughts take priority.

Much to muse on, and much more to act upon … Sweet Jesus, give my fellow travellers and me your courage.

By Steve Rowley

As I have reflected on Alan’s message, a couple of things resonate. First, the emphasis of Jesus on the phrases “…do not let your hearts be troubled…do not be afraid…my peace I leave with you…” The phrases resonate because scant days after this final teaching, in the days immediately following Jesus death we find the disciples to a person with troubled hearts, fearful and sorely wonting for peace.  Granted, the circumstances they found themselves in were beyond difficult, yet it was as if this teaching had never happened.  So when I find myself to be slow on the uptake, I am in pretty good company. Right there with the original followers of Jesus, needing more assurance, more reminding, more teaching more need to have faith that I am beloved of God and that fears, a troubled heart and a lack of peace may be what I experience but they do not have to define me if I am able to make the right choices in those moments.

A second point of resonance was the sort of off handed comment about being on the margins. By nature I am a margin guy. There is rarely a meeting I don’t head for the back row, out of the way, nearest the exit door. I often feel trapped if I don’t have a proper escape route if I’m away somewhere at a meeting.  Our calling is as Alan put it, away from the margins and into the middle where we can allow the people of God in our community to be Jesus to us, the ones who help in times of trouble, who offer courage in times of fear and who bring peace when no peace seems available. To that place where we can also be used to offer these same things to others when they experience the need….

Lord, give me strength of character that I can get away from the margins so I can be used by you and where I can allow your people to be used by you in my life. Amen

by Peter Brown

On Sunday Alan spoke to us of wisdom and sacrifice.  I was pretty well ok with the wisdom part.  This is the passage where Jesus uses the metaphor of bread to say to his listeners how important his message is.  Even today, but more so at his time, bread was such a staple in the diet that it meant survival or not.   So choosing Jesus, choosing the bread of life is wisdom because if means real life.  I am reminded of another place where Jesus said I have come so that you might have life and have it abundantly.  I’m on side with this message, because I tried controlling my own life for a lot of years (not realizing that was what I was doing), I finally saw where wisdom is and am still working on letting go more and more.

But sacrifice?  And suffering?  Not sure I want to spend a lot of time thinking about that.  But I guess that’s why I come to hear Alan talk to us.  He lays it out and then I have to deal with it.  Alan got into this by way of talking about Jesus saying he needs us to eat his body and drink his blood.  Very intimate.  In other words “Only the man dead to his own will can follow Jesus”.

So what does being intimate with Jesus mean in negative terms?  Re-directing my human passions; giving up on selfish ambitions; possibly being misunderstood; possibly not being respected; in some places suffering material loss and a few other places suffering physical harm.  But back to the wisdom part.  This is where I will find real life and abundant life the way God wants it to be.

While I will naturally shy away from sacrifice, maybe it comes down to increasing my trust.  Scripture never leaves me with the message that this is something I have to endure on my own.  So maybe if I can think about trusting more I will more easily embrace this message.

In a final thought Alan noted that it is only the Spirit who gives us life. I am enjoying the words of an ancient hymn these days.  Here are four lines:

O Comforter draw near, within my heart appear

And kindle it, Thy holy flame bestowing

O let it freely burn, till earthly passions turn,

To dust and ashes in its heat consuming

by Laura Bolender

A prayerful response…

Jesus. You search me. You know me. You see my words before they are formed. You know my thoughts as I battle in my own reluctance to bring my life before you. Sometimes I just don’t want to converse; or even think you should associate with me.  But in this warped falsity I have, you still know me—the heart of me.  And I can’t escape that.  You know my story from beginning to end.  That is the thing about you Abba—Love. You are Constant. Deep. Unfathomable. You lay out my reality without judgment or harm. You invite me into dialogue, attentive presence—often I’m preoccupied and allow my excuses to stand.  But you wait.  You sit with me.  You keep inviting me to let go.  To give it all to you.  To drink this running, living water. 

Help! Help me to choose.  In my choice FOR You, would I begin to understand? Would I remember and deeply know that you are FOR me?  You want me just as I am.  Help me to arrive.

(John 4:23-24 in The Message. The scripture that spoke the clearest to me before this prayer of reflection.)

Written By Steve Lucas

Whenever I think of faith I think of just letting go of control, of just being in the moment.  It sounds like a simple solution but it is probably one of the most difficult things to describe to a non-believer.  How do you describe what is acceptance of the Christ to someone who is an atheist.  We who are theist, that is to say one who believes, where an atheist is one that disbelieves, just accept the argument that there is one above us all.  Not to say that it would be any easier to someone who is a professed agnostic as they at least don’t give any credence to faith, they neither believe nor disbelieve.  For us it is still a matter of faith.

This week we listened to Pastor Alan talk about the meeting of Nicodemus and Jesus.  Coming in the middle of the night, to discuss the teachings that Jesus had been spreading and the signs that appear whenever he is around, Nicodemus is looking for answers.  Jesus being the teacher that he is knows that that this one who should know the answers but doesn’t for whatever reason.  He talks to Nicodemus about the need to be re-born in the spirit.  Questioning this Nicodemus is still not understanding and Jesus goes on to explain what I think are two of the most profound statements in these passages.

What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be astonished that I said to you, “You must be born from above.” The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.’ John 3:6-8

It is so cool that Jesus used this reference for the lesson he was teaching to Nicodemus as the word wind and spirit are the same word in Greek.  So for us being free and not knowing where the spirit will take us is such a liberating and terrorizing thought.  We all have a sense of control in our own lives, thinking that life is too hectic to give up control.  But Jesus is asking us for faith, faith in the Father, in the spirit and in him for the word that He spreads to all of us through His love and sacrifice.  Again as I started this discussion, how do you explain that to someone that disbelieves or one that should know what is what?

I think that whatever makes us turn to faith makes us give up control makes us less stressful in this crazy hectic world.  Some of us will have a baptism of water but some will have a baptism of spirit that will strip away all the lies and falsehoods to reveal the truth beneath everything.

Can we have faith, right now in this moment and be thankful for the blessings we have?

by Bonnie Parsons

There was beautiful music to rock the House of Worship this morning at Weston Park.  Heady smells of exotic breakfast fare beckoned old friends and new into fellowship before the worship started.  Musicians and singers gathered to practice filling the sanctuary with sounds, while beautiful flowers of every description arrived on the arms of family and friends – gathering for worship.  Beautiful gifts of celebration, anticipating future gestures of hospitality as the the flowers were destined for delivery to those unable to attend.  Downstairs in Pollard Hall, the chairs were drawn into a gentle arc around the stage, prefiguring story time for the children in Bible School, with lessons, games and an Easter Egg hunt.  All in all, it was a beautiful and moving service; yet behind the majesty and festivity, many hands and heads had been busy in preparation.  Rushing just like Mary and the disciples.  Recognizing Easter as the ultimate day for the church to rejoice, but wondering if the coffee urn is going to work today?  Are the children too loud?  Do the cries from the nursery need the mother’s touch – or do we trust the nursery worker to do her job?  

Alan reminded us of the three compressed themes of Easter: Incarnational – here and now, Redemption – saved by Jesus’ salvation work on the cross, and Resurrection.  “Hi God. ….  I won’t be drinking this cup.”  A clever and poignant monologue challenged us to consider or perhaps reconsider our own posture in the face of the Easter passion: the character, a young actress, requested a new cup to drink from – Julia Roberts’ for example.  “Drink it anyway – it will be worth it” God answers her.  (John 18:10-11)

We learned about the Celtic imagination in which Heaven and Earth are but three feet apart.  Thin places, holy places in which Heaven can be touched and felt somehow, whether through mystical experience of God’s nearness, or triggered by the beauty of creation.  A beautiful notion for making Easter real and present – anytime and anywhere.  Not allowing ourselves to stuck in the incarnational – here and now – but called to live in light of redemption and resurrection we have tasted.  In the midst of Easter victory and celebration, Alan acknowledged the pain and suffering present in the sanctuary.  Sometimes the thin places in which the veil is lifted to reveal a glimpse of God’s glory – can come at the most unexpected times.

Bonhoeffer said that if we only recognized that we are children of God (1 John 3), and really lived our lives in light of the knowledge that we already have the resurrection, our world would be changed by a handful of people.

Today, our house was full of people and judging by the tears I saw after the service today, our sanctuary was a thin place – an arm’s reach away from Heaven.  Christ is risen, he has risen indeed!  Drink the cup – it will be worth it!

by Paul Allen

I so enjoy the Weston palm waving worship experience. If we can be there Palm Sunday, we make sure we are.  I enjoyed and am still processing Alan’s take on the expression of anger and frustration of the Pharisees “the whole world has gone after him.”

Personally I needed the encouragement that Alan shared of the 3 billion followers that “have gone after him” after 2000 years. It seems quite rare in my little area of the kingdom (the world of hockey) that anyone has apparently “gone after him.” It is a culture suspicious of the religious. Certainly there is an absence of encouragement to lose one’s life in service, even what appears to be charitable, often is a cover for yet another form of self promotion.  Fear grips the world of petulant millionaire hockey players; it is a constant paralysing presence, so few have the liberty of joy. Jesus loves and has come for these who are terrified by all they have attained and all they know they lack.

Alan brought the fans into the story; those wanting to be part of the Lazarus/Jesus club, explaining why some came to cheer on the entrance of Christ, causing concern to the Pharisees.  Palm Sunday`s message spoke to me about our (or at least my) response to the entrance of the grace of Jesus, I don`t always get it right.  Vanier says Jesus is the King of  ”another world”, and my world needs the transformation away from fear towards peace, away from the busy and noisy to the leisure that his coming brings. Often it is a coming I prefer to orchestrate which is of course quite silly.  Alan quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer who says of our relationship with Christ that “God has done all of this”.  None of the 3 billion of us get it right; we are at times more fans than followers. A big NHL defenseman recently looked down at me and said “you know we all kind of believe in God. Just some of you try and make it more complicated than it is”.

We are daily disarmed by the simple grace and peace of Jesus as we, in our messy lives, are “going after him” as he in reality comes to us. This week we quietly seek to comprehend the choice a father made on our behalf that was so devastating to a son. May we move slowly and openly during the journey of this Holy Week.

by San Nolte

It’s a busy time, it’s Passover. The disciples had seen Him elude capture before. But this time…the way He speaks of His end and of capture is unnerving. Peter boldly declares that he will face death WITH Him. Jesus goes off …to pray alone, asking them to pray against their temptation. His mood casts a shadow of sorrow, and they sleep.

A great crowd of soldiers arrive along with Judas & the Judaic leaders. Peter’s sword cuts off a man’s ear, but Jesus reaches to heal the man. He then speaks to the soldiers of ‘letting My flock go’.

PETER DENIES JESUS: Late in the night hours of pre-trial with Jewish leaders, a once brave Peter denies knowing his friend, once. And again. The third time, a cock crows. The bird’s sound pierces Peter’s heart and he runs.

PILATE DISMISSES JESUS: The Judaic leaders bring Him to a distracted Pilate who has come ‘to town for the holiday’ …Pilate hopes to see friends he’s not seen lately. Not sure why a death sentence for the man before him…is recommended, Pilate finds no reason. Sensing jealousy or something, he murmurs “You see to it.” They dare not, something about cleanness for the feast. Pilate is familiar with real crime. With the insurgent. But for this Man there’s nothing but a strange calm, and a word  of truth. The robed leaders want Him dead. Pilate goes to the crowd and proposes this ‘king’s’ release. But the robed leaders stir the crowd into an uproar. ‘No! Release the rebel!’

AFTER JESUS’ RESURRECTION, A LOVING SAVIOR SEEKS OUT PETER: Jesus knows him well. Knows that, in his deepest self, Peter profoundly loves his Savior. Jesus speaks to him, stirring memories of abandonment…but reminding him that he does indeed love Him. That he IS forgiven. That he has a job to do.

SURELY: We hope not to fail tests like his. Yet we do. We suffer humiliating memories and we face tests. As we come through this season, let’s remember our own walk, our own chilly moments of failure. We do and will face aloneness, and being abandoned, and times of abandoning others. These memories …we so wish had not happened.

But He loves us, and seeks us out and reminds us of our deepest self, of our profound love for Him. And He reminds us that we’re forgiven. That we have a job to do, that we are to live on.

by Steve Rowley

I got to church early this morning and was afforded the opportunity to spend some time in reflection while the praise team limbered up. I turned to the 23^rd Psalm. I love its’ imagery, its’ layers and themes. From there I wandered over to John 10, Jesus giving voice to his role as the Good Shepherd to which David alludes.  Verses eleven and twelve fairly leapt off the page at me:

 …the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away…the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

I confess there have been and are many hired hands shepherding my life…self sufficiency, ego, career concerns are three that come to mind without much effort put into it. They combine to create the ice on top of the river of which Alan spoke so eloquently this morning.  They work in concert to prevent drinking the cup of suffering which I am called to drink. (Truth told I feel incredibly selfish to speak of suffering in light of what so many in our world and community experience). Yet my reliance on this unholy trio causes me to run rather than to make space, remember or look forward in anticipation to what the Good Shepherd who has laid down his life for mine wants to accomplish in me. For any who may relate to my rambling, I offer this prayer:

Jesus, melt the ice, let me swim in the river again, fill me with a passion to  embrace Your life. Help me to accept the forgiveness you offer and have the courage to recognize the cup of suffering in whatever form it comes and drink from it. Amen.

Written by Steve Lucas

I have looked at the idols in my life.  I don’t always recognize them but they are there.  I am not talking about singing competitions featuring the twelve singers this week.  I look at what keeps me from the beauty of the worship between me and the Lord and I think how could I do that.  Trust me, it isn’t that hard.  There are always distractions, things that can easily become the idols in our lives.  The problem is we never think that they are idols since we think they are harmless pursuits, securing the security in our lives not realizing that all of the securities or pursuits we need are already here.  So what do we do?  We start with the first, the one that started it all.  As Terry mentioned without the first, the rest fall like dominoes.

 Then God spoke all these words: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:1-3

Terry spoke of his brother-in-law who recently lost his battle with ALS.  It is funny how sometimes we describe the death of someone as losing a battle.  For Darryl, Terry’s brother-in-law it was a battle.  Another challenge that life had put in front of him to conquer from his athlete pursuits to his becoming a highly paid and respected stock broker, all of them remarkable feats but always in pursuit for the self.  We never think that trying to gain the upper hand in this life can lead from the path that was set in front of us.  Alan has many times talked of the idols in our lives but I think we always assume that they refer to the most self centred, the ones we read about in the news.  People traipsing around with large over coats to hide the shame that comes from earthly pursuits of money or power, we never think that they could be us.

 If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night’,
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:11-12

We have to remember that what we have lost we can gain again.  The love that is there for us is always reaching, always encompassing.  Daryl learned this in the end.  Two weeks before his death he realized all of his possessions, his broken relationships and athlete prowess meant naught without the spiritual that is so part of us, he remembered the first commandant.  And he accepted and worshipped.  Can we?